Journals of Journeys Journals of Spiritual, Emotional and Life-Altering Journeys

Knots

I learned to tie a new type of knot today.

I was fascinated by it. The straight line of one part of the cord. The rounded, looping curve of the other half and how it wound around the straight side as if hugging it.

The harder I pulled on the looped half, the tighter it wound around the straight side. The stiffer the straight side seemed to become, as if it had been threaded around a bit of wire, when the looped side squeezed over it.

If I pulled the end of the looped side, it would slide up the straight side like a merry-go-round horse rides a pole. But then, all my work disappeared. The looped became straight and the straight seemed to taunt me. I resolved the issue by weaving a finger in at the top where the straight side bent into the looped side. Whenever I tugged at either end of the cord, the bend at the top remained.

My finger, however, grew purple and hurt, then tingled.

Tingly. I like that sensation.

Devoid of pain. Pleasant, actually.

Did you know that if you push past the pain, you can actually begin to tingle? It's a fascinating experiment. Each time I tried a new form of the exercise, the results were always the same. Sooner or later, the tinglies would come and on its heels, a sense of euphoria.

But then, after the tingly sensation and the euphoria, both would go away. There's nothing left. No pain. No tingles. No euphoria. No headiness. Nothing. It's like the complete absence of being.

I think I may have liked that better than everything else.

Some say that absence is death. Or the equivalent.

Possibly.

I would know about those kinds of things, wouldn't I?

I learned a new knot today.

I studied it closely. I tried out several ways to move it. Up. Down. To the very end when it would disappear. Tight against my finger. And then a stick. Finally, I fashioned a neck tie.

The tingles brought the euphoria.

After that, the blankness stared straight into my open eyes.

I think that's the last slipknot I'll ever tie.

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December 10, 2009

© 2009, Kathie Leung. All Rights Reserved.
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